myMindisFull Monday's: Looking Back

My Mind is Full Monday's - April 14th, 2014
LA chewed me up, spit me out and threw up on me last year after I quit my job.  LA is for a lot of people but not me...it was fun for the nine months I lived there but let me tell you, that was all I needed.

I started working at a fabulous company with all the best looking humans I've ever come across. I worked from the early AM and stayed later than I needed to then after, would do the LA scene until I had work the next morning (most the time I would come in with a bun and no make up on top of being late when I live thirty seconds from the office).

I was your typical hot mess of a twenty one year old broad coming into LA thinking I was the shit.

Wrong, gosh so so so wrong.

Everything I thought I knew went out the window in a matter of seconds. What I thought was going out was amateur hour and so was drinking, the friends I thought were cool I couldn't talk to anymore because I was so wrapped up in being a follower rather than a leader to the new group I was introduced to.

One thing that stayed with me was my work ethic - I worked my ass off and never missed a beat. No matter what the circumstances were I always went above and beyond making sure everything was set to go and every detail was taken care of.

But when I wasn't working, I was a hot mess. I was being young, dumb and learning life as it unfolded and when I look back, I never saw it as that in the moment. I beat myself up consistently for being how I was or looking back at what I did the week prior - I regretted it all.

I had a million and one, "what was I thinking, I was that human, what the hell?" moments after I quit my job and moved back in with my aunt. My life was slow motion compared to the fast paced LA scene and I wasn't sure how to adjust.

...until now...I look back at all my memories, hang overs, bruises, scratches and red lipstick on my walls and think how lucky I was to get the "crazy years" out in nine months. I see people that I used to hang with and they are in the same old rut, doing the same old party scene and not pursuing much outside of that and that's just not me.

I have a bigger dream and while it may not be the picture perfect white picket fence in LA with all the celebrities, paparazzi and fame...I still have a dream that I am so stoked on.

LA didn't teach me much but to grow up and get out. It also taught me that some people are completely content with the life they have of partying and working a full time job just for the weekend but what LA also taught me was that I wasn't that way, I wanted a more subtle dream and that my dream was fine and I didn't need to follow a crowd...I could stand on my own and that was okay.

Remember: NO MATTER what your dream is, don't downplay it and act like you don't have time for it   or not try to attain because it isn't the "cool thing" to do...I'm telling you once you decide to pursue it, it will be the most freeing feeling.

I didn't know who I was until I attempted what I've always dreamt and talked about, happy Monday.