As I sat on my bed, staring at my rug that had a bump in it because I was too lazy to go out and buy the rug slip to prevent that from happening; I realized I had brushed the "going out" for something for a couple months now.
I feel like for the last couples months I've let a ton slip up (like my rug) because I was too lazy to go out and fix it. I was so comfortable not blogging, being wrapped up in someone else's problem, making excuses for my work focus being at a low, ignoring my family and not reaching out to my friends that when I woke up and had a huge "oh shit" moment...it was almost too late to fix it.
....you know the "oh shit" what have I been doing moment? You can have them at any time - some people have them five years into a shitty relationship, some have it when they realize their workout outfit is terrible or that they've had something in their teeth during their whole date - you can have them whenever, where ever...they are relentless.
I had mine when I woke up and turned over to the man I love who lifts me higher than anyone ever has and started to tear up. I had been SO moody lately that when I saw him sleeping it made me realize that that probably was the only time he was at peace being next to me because my emotions weren't eating his face. I had a lot of internal things I wasn't dealing with so they dealt with me and still handed me a pile of dung at the end that I had to sort through anyways. I had to take a moment and reread the post I wrote a while ago about shoving things under your life area rug.
I swear, breaking a habit is annoying as hell.
After having my moment and no one was in the house, I physically got down on the floor of my bedroom and pulled back my rug that's had a bump in it for quite sometime and just laid there. You read it right - I just laid down and stared at the ceiling. I let whatever was under my life area rug come up in my soul and I let it go by breath (which was hard because I wanted to punch and kick some of the stuff that was under there).
After laying there for a while, I felt a new kind of freedom when I smoothed my rug back down. I felt like I was smoothing my life area rug too (again), I felt like I accomplished something more than lifting up and putting down a real rug. The bump was gone on my floor and so it was in my emotions.
When all the bumps were smoothed out, I had to go out and get the slip for things that I've let slip up so that it didn't happen again. I reached out to my friends, kept pushing myself back into a positive mentality and stopped the pity party I was throwing myself, I texted my sister and messaged my grandma, played longer with the mini human I love and stared longer at the man who makes me feel whole. I started practicing giving myself more credit for things that I downplay and put a halt to the nonsense I was feeding myself. I really kicked my inner roommate out and smiled.
The bump is gone now it's breaking the habit of seeing the bump and smoothing it out when it comes up again that I need to practice. I'm not perfect but I'm trying to practice what I preach.
Happy Monday, hope you enjoyed this one.
Remember...
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