myMindisFull Monday's: Taking ALL the Blame

I wrote this yesterday but was pretty intimidated to put this part of me out there for all you to see, this is a different side I'm sharing with you.

My Mind is Full Monday's - February 24th, 2014
I have pursued another dream I have of becoming a youth speaker and am speaking at New Discoveries for Youth this Wednesday to at-risk teenagers about my experiences with hardships at such a young age and how to overcome them.

Which led me to this...

A lot of you say I'm "so honest and open" but most of you don't know that I had a pretty rough upbringing and if it wasn't for my dad and my step mom...I don't know where I would be.

So I'm here to open up a chapter to you guys, it will be short and sweet - promise.

Chapter 1: Taking ALL the Blame

Only a few close friends know the details of my childhood but long story short, my biological mother is no longer in my life because of her alcoholism. She chose addiction over her relationship with her first born - me.

For a long time, I took the blame for how my mother was. I was her parent and had to grow up so quickly to be able to handle any chaos she decided to bring into my life. I put a lot of pressure on myself from eight to thirteen years old until I moved in with my dad and my step family. When I moved in with my dad and step family, the first thing that was told to me was that "we don't do drama or lying" and that's what my whole life was. So there I was, thirteen, confused, sad but liberated to not be a punching bag for my mother anymore.

I still put all the blame on myself around that time for how she was and the fact that she was even worse when I left her until one day my dad filled me in on the truth. I won't ramble too much but I was basically brainwashed to thinking my dad and step family were the most evil beings on the planet when the court papers spoke the complete opposite. My world was flipped. It helped me have an epiphany that I can't change my mom but I can give her an ultimatum. So I said, "get help or we don't speak" and I haven't spoken to her since. Maybe once or twice to see how she is but never to be fully involved in her life.

As the years went on, I took that and turned it into something positive. I started to not take everything personal, stopped playing victim, I deleted the word step from my vocabulary and stopped referring to anyone as "step" in my family. I am okay with how things are with my biological mom and even more grateful for how my life is with my family. You can't waste your time thinking about helping someone who doesn't want to be helped, you can't control that person's thoughts, actions, words or life...and you can't blame yourself for how they are.

There you have it...the first chapter - you can only control your mind and how you decide to spend your life. Happy Monday Tuesday guys, remember to know you can only control you...not the weather, not what day it is, not other people's actions or why they do them.