myMindisFull Monday's: Looking Back

My Mind is Full Monday's - December 23rd, 2013

Not that this is something new that no one has ever heard of before but I decided to look back at 2013 today and can I be honest? I laughed, blushed, cried, got pissed, wanted to punch my stupid car I can't even pay for anymore, thought about emailing some old bosses to tell them to be nicer human's and to reach out to the friendships I've let slip by me when I was so self consumed in my survival mode, kiss my parents and tell them thank you, hug my sister and brothers even though they wouldn't know why, wished for my Grandma back, found myself wanting to sit, cut chunks of brie with my Grandpa who's beanie is never on quite right, wanting to throw my baking pans for all the second guesses it made me do and hug the man I love for coming into my life in the middle of it all.

2013 wasn't my finest year - I didn't become famous or have a viral video hit the inter webs, I didn't have the life changing job that I thought I did, make the money that I planned, I complained all the time and I didn't make time for a lot of the people that I love, I didn't have the best intentions in the beginning of the year and I didn't have my head on straight. But is that why you're reading this? For the did not's, could have's, should have's that could go on forfuckingever? To relate to failure and lost opportunities?

No, we need to focus on that brighter side of all our self destruction.

So screw the negatives and the "didn't" s...what is your bright side?

This year beat the hell out of me, it broke me down then half way through picked me up, decided to help me put my boxing gloves back on and give me the opportunity to turn it around and make it say "no más" like Duran did in his rematch with Sugar Ray.

I learned to actually live on my own and function, I learned how hard it was to survive off of not pursuing your passion and putting survival mode as my number one, I put money ahead of everything, the wrong hustle in front of everyone, flaunted a $25 shirt like it was Chanel and my $15 boots I've had for years like they were my Jimmy Choo's to fit in, I let myself fall completely in love and gave my heart to the man who opened my eyes to putting action to my true desires, I took a plummet financially and still am, I found myself again through the rummage of what 2012 left, I dealt with feelings I've suppressed for quite some time and am still sorting my way through, 2013 brought me into the flip side of the dream I thought I was living but hey, I'm the happiest I've ever been.

We focus so hard on what didn't happen, what should've happened, we take the mistakes we made personal rather than taking responsibility and making a change - we leave that to our "New Year's resolution." We have two options in my opinion, we can cry over spilt milk and just watch it sit there and rot or we can clean it up and put it in a larger bowl to fill.

We need to realize we are greater than what pulls us down so quickly, that we are blessed even when we let our bad mood's eat us up, we have to start realizing the potential we have rather than the "just a little more" feeling...we should want the MOST.

Like I said this isn't Earth shattering but I am happy and hope you share with me the bright side of the shadows you may think you live in.

So thank you 2013 and to everyone who actually reads my blog, here's to kicking 2014's ass.