FEAR.

Most of the time I look at my blog and am disappointed with myself. It was something I started with the intention of being like every other blogger I looked up to - crazy, right? That eventually changed and this became my little honest nook to share with the world but that has been lost recently since I've been full of self doubt. I have come to realize that I can't keep comparing myself to other blogger's popularity, the comments on their posts and social activity they have on Instagram. I need to just find myself and be me, so here's a start.

It's been almost a year since I decided to quit my survival mode. 

One full year. 

Shouldn't a lot happen in a year? Shouldn't I look back and be in awe of everything the has developed or come out of it? Shouldn't I have something to show for it? I thought I would be consistent with my dreams, relentless with my new ways but fear is all that's shown it's face in this last year. 

Fear to pursue what I know I can, fear to put myself first for once in my life, fear to not be caught up in someone else's drama to realize that life is good, fear to accept that life is good, fear to chase and get to my first big goal I've set for myself, fear to actually be close to attaining that, fear to fall all the way in love, fear to be positive about myself, fear to accept that someone actually wants me as their partner in life...

I'm fearful and am trying to come to terms with how much this last year has shown my hesitation with letting the good happen in my life. 

I always hid behind facing the truth by being a follower and not a leader. With this one year mark, I've realized what a waste that had been and it pushed me back into my shell while I readjust to being a leader for once in my life...I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for it. Not quite sure if I'm ready to peak my head out, see, accept and embrace what's going to be out of my shell and take the lead for once. Find myself, find my path and dominate it.

I'm scared, so scared...but hey, the first step is admitting right?