Growing Mold is Getting Old

I'm going to be real with you...for the past two months, I've had probably a million anxiety attacks, sleepless nights, enough breakdowns to last me a lifetime, my mental state was shaken and I wasn't sure if what I was doing was right. Through all the bullshit of worry, stress, depression, second guesses, financial struggles and the pressure I put on myself - my support system has kept me on track, positive and my faith at an all time high. 

Of course this is my opinion but I feel like people, including myself, have put their dreams, fantasies, hobbies and passions on hold to work a part time job to just survive and pay their bills. Wake up, work, get home, workout, take care of the kids or whatever your routine is then go to bed and repeat until the weekend comes where then MAYBE you do something that you love if it's not consumed with errands that need to be ran, parties you need to go to, family functions etc. 

That is exactly what I was doing...I want to fill you in on a little something.

I found myself growing mold sitting at a desk, working a 9-5 and looking forward to the weekends to have some freedom for myself. I was so sick and tired of working for someone else's vision but I was terrified to leave my survival state. The mentality of "how the hell am I going to pay these bills if I don't have this job..." definitely held me back from doing what I love. Finally I said screw this, yeah it's going to suck, what the hell am I going to do for money and paying all my bills, what the hell is going to happen to my life, how far am I going to fall until I get back up and come back stronger then ever, how long is this low going to last? ...my employment ended and I was on to my next chapter in life that was going to be about me pursuing my passion.

Now let me make this clear...I did and still need constant reassurance that I'm on the right path, I still have shortness of breath when I can't pay a bill or get calls about not paying a bill on time, anxiety attacks hit me when I am driving to my aunt's or boyfriend's house and I look like a maniac for randomly bursting out in tears but I know, I KNOW this will all be worth it when I accomplish my dreams and goals.

Let's speed up to now, this past weekend was my first completely booked weekend doing what I love. Let me tell you, it was not easy but I felt so incredibly blessed that through all the lows and beating myself up about my decision went out the window. Being booked, delivering the sweets and seeing the women's faces I got to bake for made my decision set in stone: this is my dream and I am going to continue to pursue it with every fiber in my being.

So yes, this low sucks...it really sucks at times but when I receive a text, email or phone call that someone wants me to bake for them ...me bake for them? That picks me up and makes me push harder to turn my passion into my business, my business into my empire and my empire into a legacy.

It's time to live for me, not work a job for survival.

Happy Tuesday, hope this inspires someone out there to follow what they truly want to do. 

Love, 

Rachel Metz